Balkinization: <b>Shorter Republican Party Convention</b>

Shorter Republican Party Convention

Reporter: Hi, I wanted to ask you a few questions about ....

Republican Party: September 11th! September 11th! Remember September 11th!

Reporter: What's your view of the Democrats?

Republican Party: Out of Mainstream! Unpatriotic! Radical Pantywaists! September 11th! September 11th! Remember September 11th! (breaks into song) Oh Beautiful for Spacious Skies, For Amber Waves of Grain!

Reporter: What's your view about unemployment?

Republican Party: Turning the Corner! America Strong! September 11th! September 11th! Remember September 11th!

Reporter: Deficits?

Republican Party: What Deficits? September 11th! September 11th! Remember September 11th!

Reporter: The failure to find weapons of mass destruction?

Republican Party: Winning the War on Terror! America Strong! America Good! September 11th! September 11th! Remember September 11th!

Reporter: Well, thanks very much for your time. I appreciate it. (starts to walk away).

Republican Party: (tackling reporter) September 11th! September 11th! Did you hear me! SEPTEMBER F**CKING 11TH!

Posted 12:28 PM by JB [link]

Comments:

That's really long for a "Shorter", but pretty much gets to the heart of the matter.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:29 PM

You left out the "We're safer now than then" dialogue, tho, I think we're going to be hearing a lot of how safe we are these days in the months to come...however much it may seem that the rest of the world now has a distinctly worse impression of America and Americans, terrorists worldwide have no doubt attached themselves to impotent attempts to seem militarily powerful by attacking the wrong nations, as long as they contained Arab peoples, in order to have more fervor to attack us, and at best we can say that now we know how utterly random a crapshoot our intelligence gathering business is...Yeah, they'll be mentioning safety a lot, I have a hunch...

# posted by

Christopher Chopin : 7:04 AM

Democratic Convention, Full Version

Reporter: Hi, I wanted to ask you a few questions about ....

Democratic Party: Vietnam War hero! Vietnam War Hero! Vietnam War hero!

Reporter: What's your view of the Republicans?

Democratic Party: Nazis! Hitler! Vietnam War hero! Vietnam War hero! Vietnam War hero!

Reporter: What's your view about the war on terrorism?

Democratic Party: Vietnam War hero! Vietnam War hero! Vietnam War hero!

Reporter: Why don't you support freedom in the Middle East?

Democratic Party: The US is an imperialist occupier! Death to the American infidels! Vietnam War hero! Vietnam War hero! Vietnam War hero!

Reporter: Okay,....well, about your Vietnam War experience....

Democratic Party: (tackling reporter) Why the F**CK are you making Vietnam an issue??!!

If we're going to dumb the debate down to the level of CNN's Crossfire, I'll take "Remember September 11th" over "I was a Vietnam War hero" anyday.

Alas, "Balkinization" just proves Dean Ely was right when he noted that law professors are not really professors, and certainly not intellectuals (Ely, Another Such Victory, Virginia Law Review).

Shame on you.

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